Beautiful Me

Heelloo

How are you my beautiful friend? I hope you are in a good space today? 

I am ........I'm sitting in bed looking out at a glorious day.......I've just finished listening to todays Worlds Biggest Summit telecast.........amazing.......only a couple more days and it will be over......I shall really miss it. 

Rachel McDonald from soulspacestudio really touched me today. I don't just have stones in my eyes I have rocks in them. What you ask ........Rachel told this beautiful story about a woman who only saw the bad in herself and every time she did a grain of dirt would enter her eye, this would keep happening until she eventually had stones in her eyes. The stones in her eyes came out when she started to see the beauty in herself. Rachel tells it so much more eloquently than me but you get the idea right.........

Only yesterday I was torturing myself about my weight and searching online for magic weight loss miracles. I had a crazy idea about finding one and following it and sharing it with you. Today that seems like such a silly idea. What I did find though was a book by Geneen Roth called "Lost and Found" In her blurb she describes how she discovers her relationship with money is exactly like her relationship with food, it really resonated with me as I do exactly what she described. Splurging and bingeing then dieting and budgeting only to keep repeating this cycle..........IT HAS TO STOP. 

As I said yesterday I really feel I have a handle on the "debt thingy" I don't feel fearful when I think about it.........I honestly have a calm peaceful place deep in my gut where the fear and angst used to be. I truly believe everything is as it should be and it will all be ok. I know this sounds strange but if I received  the money to pay my debts right now..... I would think twice about it. I need to be here ......its keeping me grounded and until I can do that on my own ........my debts are my anchor. I know weird isn't it only two weeks ago I was wishing money would appear to take away the scary feeling and now I'm saying I don't want it.

Soooo where am I going with this, its time to get a handle on "the Weight Thingy"..........I want to have that scrummy feeling I have about money about me and my body too......and I'm not going to find it anywhere on the internet ......... its inside me( Thanks Rachel) ....I just have to find it........but how?

Yesterday I sat in the Goddess Chair and tried to go right inside my belly ........the part that I despise the most to see what was hiding in there.........and I'm 99% sure its hurt and rejection. So what can I do about that........well I have started saying that Louise Hay affirmation I was telling you about......I say it morning and night looking ay myself in the mirror.........sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard.......just keep doing it ok.

What else........well I thought we could do a "Beautiful Me Thingy" where we do one part on our body each week .......we can praise it, thank it and nurture it. So check back in with me tomorrow where will start with our feet ok............think about it..........lovingly of course.

See you tomorrow.

You know what we are going to be ok you and me.

Love and Sparkles

xx

The Debt Thingy

Heellooo

Just wanted to pop in and give you a bit of an update on "The Debt Thingy". As you know I have really struggled with this and the predicament I find we are in.........but guess what its getting better.......not the debt thingy thats still there, but how it feels. I'm not exactly sure why as nothing has changed but I just feel so much more peaceful about the whole thing. This is huge for me as only 2 weeks ago I was in the "ugliest, woe is me, life is so unfair" hole about the problemo.......and now peace .......what has happened????

 No nobody came along and paid my bills and I didn't win the lottery.

This is all I have done..........

I had a credit card funeral, I stumbled upon this on You Tube ....have a look its so funny ......just search "credit card funeral"..... I have now chopped up all our cards and put them to rest.

I read " The Richest Man in Babylon" a beautiful friend gave it to me when we lived on our Tropical Island and at the time had no idea how important it would become. Its an old fable, its not long you should read it......there is a free e-book on bizbuilders.usa.com .......I don't know anything about this website only that it has a free downloadable copy of this fantastic book.

The principles in this book have given me the confidence to let go of the fear that I am not doing enough.  I have put the saving and debt reducing strategies into place in my budget and now know.......I am doing enough.

I have been treating money with a lot more respect........ I think I told you about the Fairy Godmother I met at The Worlds Biggest Summit ........she has a mini workshop thingy on her website that talks about your relationship with money .......so I had a little think about this and realised I was pretty mean to money and if we were in a relationship.......me and money that is.........I'm sure money would of ditched me by now........so now I have stopped telling money ....."it is not enough" .....I have started saying thank you every time I pay for something.......not out loud ......just in my head. I am gentle with money and my money card and put them away carefully in my wallet, I dont just shove them in with the screwed  up receipt like I used to. I fold the receipt and put it in my wallet. I realised every time I spent money I would torture myself about whether I needed whatever I had just purchased...... Ditched that stupid habit and replaced it with .....I am doing the best I can as per "The Richest Man in Babylon's" advice. It feels kind of like a permission slip...
I have also started picking up money I see on the ground and taking it home and putting it in a special little box with a note to the Universe on it. I read an interesting post on this and it just made so much sense.
Oh and of course I have been saying "The Prosperity Prayer" I told you about in my last post.


So yesterday I get a text saying my power bill is late and I need to do something about it immediately. Normally this would send me into panic mode......but I feel quite ok...weird right.........I can't pay it right now as I only have $14 left until next Wednesday.......even this doesn't phase me......remember last week when I was in floods of tears as I only had $40 for the rest of the week. So I decide to ring the power company and explain I will pay the amount owing on Wednesday ..........I have paid most of it, its only a smallish amount owing............so I go to my file stand where I keep all the bills and stuff.......still quite calm at this stage ..........I remember reading the note I have on the front on the stand that says" It is so easy"............I wrote this weeks ago, I can't even remember why an just popped it there out of the way.
I found the bill and headed to the phone......dialed the number.....and its one of those "push this number If you want this deals" .............we have this really old phone and the numbers don't work very well and I can't get through........I will just use my cell phone.............dam no credit.......I am starting to feel a little bit of frustration rising........what am I going to do..........then I remember there is another old phone lying around, I will swap them..........yay success........so I push the appropriate number while preparing the story in my head..........then I hear this option...."would you like an extension on your bill until 23rd Nov".......hell yes........so I push it.........."your extension is in place thank you, goodbye."  OMG I have never ever come across that before.....IT WAS SO EASY......just like my file says.


You know what ......we are going to be ok ...me and you.
Love and Sparkles
xx

My bathroom mirror

Heellooo
How are you today? I am managing to stay on the path....no humiliation holes or loosing faith loopholes so thats all good. I am still completely absorbed in The Worlds Biggest Summit ...fantastic speakers over the weekend. I had know idea there was such an array of organic healing and teaching methods...... and every single one of them has a story and started from a place not to different from where I am now...... and you my lovely.......and do you know what, the one thing that comes through from every single one of them is......that it is all going to be alright...... just as I keep telling you .......we are going to be ok me and you, we are going to get there too just you wait and see.
So today I wanted to share with you what I have on my bathroom mirror. I have an affirmation I say each morning, I like to do it in the bathroom so I can talk to myself ....you know in the mirror.....this is the third year I have been doing it......I haven't been perfect about it, infact when I first started I was very haphazard about it. Last year we were in a tiny little house on our tropical island, we only had one bathroom and there was lots of comings and goings so I didn't have it on the mirror, I wrote it on a card and kept it in my toiletries bag and said it as I got in the shower in the morning and I didn't always look in the mirror as I wasn't happy with what I saw but I did say it quite regularly.
This is the card that lived in my toiletries bag all of last year.

Isn't it interesting how I am now having to come to terms with our finances and really grow up and take responsibility for the problems. In the past some lovely family member has come to my rescue but this time I am determined to do it my self and really learn from it, make changes and kick it in the butt so it never ever comes back. The other interesting part is that I am now creating exactly the life I want, I have a fresh start and the tools to make a wonderful life and as you know I am on the Happiness Path.......(with you)

So whats on my mirror now.....well I have been blessed and have my very own bathroom...I don't have to share with anyone...only Hotty  when he's home, I have never had my own bathroom so this is pretty exciting for me......now I have my affirmation on the mirror......finally and I am actually saying it to myself, sometimes I'm even naked OMG don't tell anyone........It actually didn't take to long to feel comfortable with looking at me while saying it .......in fact now I actually feel some emotion.

 "The Prosperity Prayer" is my new mantra and its just perfect.

This is from Joe Vitales' blog, I have been saying it for a month now which is what he recommends. Tomorrow I will take it down and replace it with the beautiful "Deep in the centre of my being" Affirmation from Louise Hay.

Have you read her book "You Can Heal Your Life" Its my bible I take it every where. I have the beautiful coloured version and I just love it, the pictures are scrumptious.

I have chosen this because I really think I need to start loving or even liking myself ......even just accepting myself a bit more before I can move on.

Well lovely I better go feed the team.....Oh I forgot to tell you I signed up for the Goddess circle on goddessguidebook.com  I am doing the monthly payment thingy, I know we are not meant to start until November but the pay was there and wont be again for a month. Anyway its a bit daunting, there is so much available on the site, I haven't started anything(the e-courses I mean) and wont until November.......I'm just looking around and checking it all out .......go have a look and we can start together Nov 1st.

We are going to be OK you and me....

Love and Sparkles

xx

The Wolves are at the door

Heellooo,
I nearly didn't come by today because I have been so absorbed in the amaaaaazing owlandcrow website. I just love all the stories. I met Stephanie Anderson Ladd (this is her website) on The Worlds Biggest Summit telecast today where she introduced us to Goddess Persephone. If you enjoy stories you really need to check out this site out as I say I've been there for hours soaking up Goddess history.


Anyway the wolves...... I want to tell you what happened yesterday.
 So we have a bit of credit card debt ...I think I have mentioned it a few times.... it really gets to me sometimes...it sort of absorbs me and all the good work I am doing hides away and I fall right off the happiness path........but yesterday I had a big break through. 
I'll start with the wolves..........they are the people that want the payments and the last few days there have been wolves everywhere ......in the mail box.......on the phone........in my inbox.......in my bed at night (really big ones there). I can actually feel them nipping my ankles and no matter what I do I cant get rid of them. I was dreading Hotty coming home because I new we needed to talk about it and that always ends in tears. This coupled with the petrol thing meant I was preeety edgy. I tuned into The Worlds Biggest Summit and the last speaker was Danielle Nelson from lifeunconstrained.com and she did this cool really really simple exercise about dealing with your ooky stuff, it was so easy..........while I was doing the "thinking about the ooky thing" part .......I let my mind go to what was inside the fear....you know right inside it, its a kind a weird place to get to because when we get close  fear slams the door in our face so we cant get in......you have to push through that door ........ what was the worst thing the wolves could do................take away my kids .....nope.............take away my house......nope don't have one..........tell my Mum.......this one made me laugh, I couldn't believe that was hiding in there............tell everyone I know so I spend the rest of my life in humiliation hole............nope..............come to my door...........not likely and if they do I can show them I am doing the best I can do and I am, bugets are in place and  payments are being made, 
When I finished doing this exercise I felt so relieved, most of the stuff I was scared of wasn't even realistic, the pain in my shoulder went away instantly.......and the best bit, when Hotty got home we sat and talked it through..........I showed him the budgets........not one single grumpy word from him not one single tear from me.........we acted like grown-ups. It gets better we rang the bank and explained where we were at and what we were paying when and it was all good.............Thank you thank you so much Danielle I just want to kiss you. The best bit of the exercise is "30 second silly" go visit her and find out.
After the exercise I made this little reminder and put it on the wall where I will see it everyday.

Well I must away its payday and I'm off to feed the wolves.
We are going to be ok you and me.
Love and Sparkles
xx

On the wing of an Angel.

Heelloooo


Well I'm off to the city to pick up Hotty (yay) on the wing of an Angel. I have I think and hope just enough petrol to get there and back. 


The Team (my beautiful children) are all very excited that tis Daddy day today. They are aware of the petrol situation and being the darlings they are all offer to bike to school, but alas we awake to rain.....they are all still keen to bike..........the boys will be alright I think but I want to take my Beautiful Princess ......ok mum she says but I want to go real early cos our new teacher starts today.
Bye Mum, love you............bye boys love you too have a fantastic day. Bang, crash, slam heralds the return of My Special Friend.........Mum I have a flat tyre...........So we pile into Harriet ( our car) and head off for school, we arrive at the princess's school, we are so early that no-one is about. The Princess gets all cranky and won't go in so we head off in the other direction to the other school to drop of My Special friend, he is a tad peeved at being so early to school as it is incredibly uncool to be seen at school this early. Then we head all the way back to the princess's school where everyone is now arriving and skippity hop off she goes. Ok its all good I head home for a cuppa and to listen to The Worlds Biggest Summit (another yay)  before I hit the road. As I walk in the door I hear a noise......OMG what did I leave on........and there is My Precious Angel Boy standing in his undies trying to dry his dripping wet uniform with my hair dryer. Mummy I fell off my bike .............Oh my little darling I bundle him into a squishy Mummy hug, we abandon the hair dryer mission find some dry clothes jump into Harriet and head off yet again to school. 


So I am literally now off to the city on the wing of an Angel. I think I could possibly rustle $3 from the bottom of my handbag. I have never had to put $3 in my tank before.........I've always been the one that cruises to a stop in my big 4-wheel drive and hits fill, charges it to our account and heads off not giving it another thought. Not now.....now I roll in in my rusty old hatchback with a coathanger for an aerial, very carefully put in the amount I need, praying it doesn't  go a cent over  otherwise my card will decline. I saw a girl the other day putting $3 in and I just wanted to rush right up to her and say ....I'm with you sister ........and you and me we are going to be ok.


Love and Sparkles
xx

Illuminating and glowing

Helloooo
I thought I better tell you how I am going with my missions, I am so loving The Worlds Biggest Summit yesterday was designed especially for me. I met Susannah Conway who had some fantastic ideas for blogging, she has a fabulous website, I really love the gentle way she writes, I like this post. I can't wait for Susannah's 'Blogging from the Heart Guidebook' and the e-courses sound fabulous.
In my little "Worlds Biggest Summit" journal I have made lists in the back........one for all the e-courses I want to do......one for all the books I want to read........one for all the things I want to create. I tell you what I have a ton of work to do and I can't wait its so exciting. Are you coming with me? We are going to make a ritual journal, a senses journal, an ink drop sketch book, a table top shrine, we are going to have elevenses, its going to be so much fun.
 The gorgeous Goddess Leonie has the most magical friends. Did I tell you about Goddess Leonie, she is the incredible person who has put together "The Worlds Biggest Summit". I am so in love with her and her website, its a lovely safe, nurturing place and I visit it every day. I love her videos I feel like she talking just to me. She is the most open, honest and generous soul.......such an inspiration. I want to move next door to her and have elevenses with her. Next month we will do her courses ok, check out them out here. 


I'm so excited, I hope you are too, dont forget........

We are going to be ok you and me.......


Love and sparkles
xx

The Birthday Party

Heellooo 
Just thought I'd share a little story about how I torture myself sometimes, I nearly didn't tell you because it seems so silly when I write it down but its very typical of me.
Ok so I think I told you I have just moved to a new country and I don't really know anyone. Hotty works away so we really haven't done any socialising. One of My Special friends school mates comes around all the time and I have met his Mum a couple of times. Well the other night she rang and invited me to her to her birthday party..........just a few girls she said...... we like a few drinks you might need to get a taxi home she said........we play cards she said............we place a few bets she said......nothing much about $30 in change she said...... we get a bit noisy and there might be swearing she said........are you ok with all that she said. .........That sounds great I said.........I haven't got $30 I thought......... It will be great to meet new people I thought.......... I'm trying not to drink too much anymore I thought.........I can't wait I said..........I don't think I want to go I don't feel like going out I thought...........I'll be there I said.
I got off the phone knowing in my heart I wouldn't be going but The binge drinking butterfly part of me was going.....bring it on.
 So party day arrives and I know I'm not going and I need to let her know........I'll do it later......it's like I'm waiting for a real excuse to come along........I know, I'll tell her My Beautiful Princess is sick......no thats a lie I hate lies.........I'll tell the truth I cant afford it............no she'll say come anyway..............its only lunchtime I'll ring later.........3pm, I should ring..........4pm.......I'd better ring.........4.30, panic now I have to ring .......I know I'll text.........5pm, this is what time I am meant to be there so I text, so sorry I wont be able to make it I will call you a tomorrow, happy birthday. I hit send then run upstairs and jump in the shower to hide. 
Can you believe how crazy this sounds, how I have tortured myself all day about this, how utterly stupid it is. I'm such a nutter sometimes.
I actually feel some relief in the shower......its over.  
I come down feeling better then I hear the phone ring OMG its her I just know it. Hello she says........oh hi did you get my text I jibber.......No she says.........Oh I'm so sorry I wont be able to make it I jibber........Why not she says........so I burst into tears, can you believe that, with a woman I don't even know. I jibber on a bit then end the conversation. As soon as I get off the phone I fall into my Humiliation hole. I used fall in there a lot but I haven't been for a while. Out of nowhere Precious Angel boy appears and gives me a big hug,.........don't cry Mummy......see why he is so precious.
Let me tell you about The Humiliation Hole. This is a deep dark hole and its where my inner critic and his friends self loathing and despair hang out. Its a yucky place and I hate going there, I used to wallow about in there for whole days sometimes but I am getting much stronger with all this emotional fitness I am doing, I can give despair a good run for his money now, a couple of good slogs in his guts and he backs off. The other two are a bit harder, this is how I climbed out this time.....
I found the good in the situation
I am a binge drinking butterfly in social situations (another whole story) by not going I didn't break my resolve and remained in control.
I cried in front of someone( this is total humiliation for me because I am in control and never let anyone see my weaknesses)so what its ok to cry, I am finding me this is so great, for me to be comfortable with this is huge.
I didn't waste $30 as you know I really need every penny I have at the mo.
The Beautiful Princess doesn't like it when I go out at night so I didn't upset her.
I really don't want to be in a circle of drinkers again, I have hidden in these circles for years, there is something better out there, different circles and I'm going to find them.
If she judges me who cares, I don't need anymore judges in my life, and she might not, she might be ok with it.
Step by step I climbed out of The Humiliation Hole and returned to The Happiness Path and now I feel completely ok with the whole thing.


I can't believe I am sharing this with you I am so out of my comfort zone opening my doors and letting you see me warts an all. 


There is somebody out there who needs to hear me and I hope I reach you. We are going to be ok ...you and me.


We are loved always and it is our divine right to be happy........


Love and Sparkles
xx 

The Crazy Women

Heelloooo

You know yesterdays post well I actually posted it today....wanna know why.... those Angels again. I had actually written it in my journal yesterday but hadn't got round to sharing it with you. You know kind of like writing a letter and the relief you feel licking the envelope...yay..job done, then you carry it around in your handbag for days before posting it. Same same with my post. 
So somehow I found myself up in my bathroom with yet another huge glass of pity punch.....why me, this is not fair, blah blah blah...then there it was again that voice.......you haven't done that blog yet. So now its no longer getting dog-eared in the bottom of my handbag I have given it to you.

So enough pity punch let me tell you some good stuff....

I am sooooo loving "The Worlds Biggest Summit" Its the first thing I think about when I wake up, thank goodness its the school holidays and I don't need to sort the team out. This is how it goes....I open my eyes...look outside to connect with the day .....take a long look at the Beautiful Princess who has been sleeping in my bed cos its the holidays......sneak downstairs...... make a coffee...... grab magnificent Milly and my journal and head straight back to bed.......rearrange the pillows...... log in......and there it is the list of speakers for the day........I sip my coffee..... hit play........get transported to another world......get excited.......get inspired.......get sad.........get happy........get creative......it is just awesome. There are so many amazing people on such incredible journeys. I love people's stories they make me feel so warm I just want to invite them all over for a cuppa. 

Today I met Lucy Pearce from dreamingallowed.net and she talked about the crazy woman and how she is part of all of us Goddesses and when she comes for a visit we should honor her not be frightened of her. I really resonated with what she was saying and she had a gorgeous voice. 
Inside me there was a crazy woman just dying to get out so I decided to draw her. My Special Friend and My Precious Angel Boy (my 12 year old) came and lay on the bed, it was one of those ....This is it moments..... you know scrumptious time with my beautiful boys. Anyway they of course wanted to know what I was doing, we had a lovely chat about the crazy woman who comes to visit me from time to time. Apparently they know her well and wanted to add to my picture. I was surprised to learn that my eyes get bloodshot, I sprout hairs under my arms, my finger nails go pointy, veins appear on my arms and legs, my face goes red and lightening bolts come out of my hair and my dress rips, when the crazy woman comes to visit. 
It was incredibly helpful and liberating to actually acknowledge the crazy woman, to accept her and to talk to my boys about her and why she visits, a far cry from the perfect mother I normally consider myself to be. Thank you Lucy the crazy woman will now be honored in our house. 
Love and Sparkles
xx

Beautiful Angels

12th October
Heellooo I'm back.
I know its been over a week, I nearly gave up but I'm back and I'm not going to give up. I promise, I might be slow at times but I won't give up.
So it's been one of those 'no money days' today, down to the last $40 until next Wednesday another 5 days away. I still have to give My Special Friend ( thats what I call my big boy he's 15) $10 to go to town and I need petrol to go to the city and pick up Hotty ( he works away) I so hope I don't need anything else. I find it really hard to stay positive and trust with this money thing it feels so heavy and tries its hardest to pull me off track. I so know its part of my journey and it is giving me the chance to really grow but its bloody hard! 
I did an on-line Angel reading this morning, I do them often (they are free) and so spookily accurate and always just what I need to hear. I love the Angels and it's one thing I don't doubt the existence of. 
Just as I wrote that I heard a rustling sound I turned around to see...... a moth is crawling up the side of the box I have all my Angel feathers stored in. See what I mean. Another aside ...... when ever I see a feather I pick it up as I know an Angel is near and has dropped it for me. Anyway back to what I was saying...... because of this debt thingy and struggling to make ends meet I keep thinking I should get a job. I know I can hear you ......duh of course you should stupid. But listen about 6 months ago I told the dream machine I needed time and space to find, nurture and heal my self. And of course it coughed up. Here I am in a brand new place where I know nobody with all this time on my hands and Milly my magnificent Mac whom I just love and couldn't live without. I forgot to ask for money though.....you have to be so precise with these machines. So I've been reading and reading and journaling and doing art and I feel just great and I want to keep going and going and going. In my heart I know I'm doing the right thing, I need to be doing this. Gosh this is a long story sorry. So back to my Angel reading.....you have to be specific so I said "should I get a job" The answer of course was WAIT JUST BIDE YOUR TIME they also told me I have an important task involving communication. Try it its a lovely way to chat with your Angels check it out here. This made me feel better and I jumped back into my journey. I didn't really pay attention to the communication part just the wait part. A little later one of the team asked for money for something and I had to say no, this caused me to fall off the path again see its so easy for me to fall off. So I hid in my bathroom with tears streaming down my face and a huge glass of pity punch and yelled at the Universe ..... If I am meant to be doing this then you need to help me...... Then I heard a voice I don't normally  hear stuff but this was as clear as a bell, it was in my head but it was a different voice, I can't really explain but it said..."Nothing will change until you start writing" I sat there thinking for awhile then I put it altogether ....the communication stuff in the card reading and the writing message..... I need to get back to my blog there must be someone who needs to hear my story. So I hope I can reach you whoever you are and I hope it helps to know there is someone else out there just like you and we are going to be Ok I just know it in my heart. Even though we keep tripping and falling, we are on our way.
Love and sparkles
xx