Whoops I fell in a hole

Heellooo

Oh my goodness everything was going so well then I fell in a big hole of self pity and I have been wallowing in it for a week or so now..........it was a biggy .......I fully immersed myself in so much negativity I even got a really bad flu. Then today I woke and I was out of the hole and back on the happiness path, yay!!!!

So what was in my hole....well where do I begin.......

It started with Hottys Grandmother whom I adore, having a heart attack (shes ok now), I started thinking about how far away from home we are, how far from all the people we love. My mother-in -law who's mother it is rang to tell us and she was feeling nervous about driving down to where our lovely Nanny lives and I thought if only I was there I could go and pick her up and we could drive down together. I just wanted to be there, then I thought what if she dies, we can't afford to go home it would cost over $7000 in airfares. We would be the only ones not there out of her 11 grandchildren and 17 great grandchildren. They are such a warm close family and I feel truly blessed to be part of them.....to not be there would be devastating. That of course lead me to my own family and my father who is 86, I really feel like I have abandoned him. My Mum who is my everything and whom I miss so much.My sister, my nieces and nephew, all my amazing friends...........what am I doing here so far away from them all.

I feel like we've sold them all off for a big pay packet. I tried to tell Hotty how I was feeling but he is very black and white and said "well thats just the way it is until we get rid of this debt"......."we're not going home there's nothing there for us" ..........."don't even think about it the kids are so happy we're not moving them again"............."maybe you should get a job".........so there I was deep in my hole wallowing when a big bucket of sloppy guilt came down from the top and landed square on my head...........so I let the guilty feelings about not working and how I'm not contributing drip all over me while I wallowed, then the flu came so I lay down at the bottom of the hole in all the sludge and curled up and slept for two days.

When I woke my head was a little clearer and I could vaguely see a light at the top of the hole, I remembered a blog post from Ellie at The Headologist about gratitude being the rungs of the ladder that leads to the top of the hole. I tried to be grateful, I find it very hard when I'm in my hole but I started with small things like my headache being gone, the fact I was able to sleep for two days as I don't work,how comfortable my bed is, my lovely Mum is here for a month, its a sunny day and eventually I made it to the top and this morning woke up feeling nearly new. I remembered all the reasons we left home and how exciting it is to be on this adventure, the fact that the debts are reducing. I can't really explain it but its gone just gone all those feelings that were so strong at the beginning of the week have disappeared. I think its because I allowed myself to really go there and feel them and wallow in them. 

After a big wallow like that I find its very important to give myself some self love, so I really nurtured myself this morning caring for every inch of my body as I got ready for the day. I also fed myself in a kind way with healthy nurturing foods. This really helps me move on and my body responds so well to a little love.

Guess what though throughout the whole pity party not once did the guilt about the money return, I think I can truly say I have nailed that one.

Well there we have it another hole conquered,

you know what we ARE going to be ok you and me.

Love and sparkles

xx

P S I've started the "Goddess legs " project and it looks fabulous.

The Debt Thingy gets blasted!

Heelloo
What an amazing week!
I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you on Sunday but my "Goddess Feet" project just went wild.
I have created a whole "Goddess Happy Feet" journey for you......I just have to work out how to get it on here for you.
I am so proud of it ......it has 
 Scrummy Tootsie Treats
A negativity clearing crystal foot bath 
A divine Goddess tootsie ritual
A Goddess tootsie massage
An inspiring Tootsie song
A video on "the importance of grounding"
Some foot yoga
Some loving affirmations for your Goddess Tootsies
and some other cool stuff
and I have hand written and coloured it.
As soon as I work out how to get it to you ......its yours my lovely. I'm not techy at all unfortunately, it took me a week to work out how to put photos on.....he....he
What else............I have started my "Creating my Goddess Haven" course, have you?
Its amazing ........I just love it...... I was even brave enough to put a comment on the forum today.
I have created my altar............OMG how cool was that........Mine is pink of course and the sunlight from the window makes all the little sparkles in the cloth dance...it really makes me happy....and....
I think I have finally moved the last of the negative energy associated  with the "debt thingy"
My Altar prayer was for assistance in showing myself  more love, compassion, kindness and understanding. As I was pondering this love thing and trying to really get to the bottom of why I have trouble with this and why I keep putting on weight. I'm not quite sure how to explain how I do this but while I'm thinking about stuff .....little yucky bits sort of pop up....they sort of make you feel yucky.....I try to grab them and ask them why....its a bit like cleaning out the closet, its yucky while you are doing it but you feel great afterwards and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Anyway so I find a yucky bit and grab it and ask it why it makes me feel yucky........often its some situation from my past that I'm embarrassed about or don't feel good about ....maybe the way I reacted ....or what I said.......or the most common one ....what people will think........most of these "yuckys" are gift-wrapping for little  parcels of guilt. For some reason I use lots of sellotape when wrapping these parcels. If I'm in the right mood and have the time to just ponder I can unwrap them..........really look at the guilt and most of the time with love and compassion dissolve them.....and OMG what a feeling when they go....its just the best. Some are harder than others and some just aren't ready to be opened yet. Some are so silly and I'm not sure why I even wrapped them up in the first place.
Ok so back to my altar and pondering...........my pondering of self love lead me to deserving ......deserving..........led me to a yucky..... "the debt thingy" ....inside this particular parcel was the guilt  about spending all the money...........I was thinking it was naughty to do this and that I was bad for doing this and because I had wasted it all I didn't deserve anymore. Then suddenly the Angels presented me with a solvent...........I don't need to feel bad .......for a start it wasn't just me ..........it was me and Hotty together and it was OUR money we spent..........it was a wild adventure we had with it ...........we didn't squander it in casinos or on drugs and lavish parties............we sold our home and packed up our beautiful team and moved them to a Tropical Island paradise for 18 months. We had an amazing time, we created some beautiful memories, showed the team another side to life, met some incredible people, people who were so generous it made me cry and hopefully gave each member of the team the courage to do it or something else just as wild themselves one day. So what if we spent it all it was ours to do what we want with.........we worked for it ............it wasn't given to us...........it was ours. So what if we spent more than we had and now have credit card bills to pay.............thats doesn't make us bad people........we are paying them............again that was our choice............nobody has been or is being hurt by what we have done.........its not bad or naughty............just because it does't fit with the norm..........just because our families think we are crazy...............its still not naughty or bad.........I know that when I'm old and reflecting back on my life I will say ...........I'm so proud of what we did.........I'm so proud of what we gave the team..........I'm not naughty or bad..........I'm @#$$%%^& amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't know how empowering for me to tell this story ......I am crying while I'm typing.
I have this little visual of sitting around in Heaven chatting about life on earth............
"Well we worked hard all our lives and paid off our mortgage"
"Well we worked hard paid off half our mortgage then sold our house and blew it all on a wild crazy adventure"..................
You know you and me we are going to be just fine.
Love and sparkles
xxx