Illuminating and glowing

Helloooo
I thought I better tell you how I am going with my missions, I am so loving The Worlds Biggest Summit yesterday was designed especially for me. I met Susannah Conway who had some fantastic ideas for blogging, she has a fabulous website, I really love the gentle way she writes, I like this post. I can't wait for Susannah's 'Blogging from the Heart Guidebook' and the e-courses sound fabulous.
In my little "Worlds Biggest Summit" journal I have made lists in the back........one for all the e-courses I want to do......one for all the books I want to read........one for all the things I want to create. I tell you what I have a ton of work to do and I can't wait its so exciting. Are you coming with me? We are going to make a ritual journal, a senses journal, an ink drop sketch book, a table top shrine, we are going to have elevenses, its going to be so much fun.
 The gorgeous Goddess Leonie has the most magical friends. Did I tell you about Goddess Leonie, she is the incredible person who has put together "The Worlds Biggest Summit". I am so in love with her and her website, its a lovely safe, nurturing place and I visit it every day. I love her videos I feel like she talking just to me. She is the most open, honest and generous soul.......such an inspiration. I want to move next door to her and have elevenses with her. Next month we will do her courses ok, check out them out here. 


I'm so excited, I hope you are too, dont forget........

We are going to be ok you and me.......


Love and sparkles
xx

The Birthday Party

Heellooo 
Just thought I'd share a little story about how I torture myself sometimes, I nearly didn't tell you because it seems so silly when I write it down but its very typical of me.
Ok so I think I told you I have just moved to a new country and I don't really know anyone. Hotty works away so we really haven't done any socialising. One of My Special friends school mates comes around all the time and I have met his Mum a couple of times. Well the other night she rang and invited me to her to her birthday party..........just a few girls she said...... we like a few drinks you might need to get a taxi home she said........we play cards she said............we place a few bets she said......nothing much about $30 in change she said...... we get a bit noisy and there might be swearing she said........are you ok with all that she said. .........That sounds great I said.........I haven't got $30 I thought......... It will be great to meet new people I thought.......... I'm trying not to drink too much anymore I thought.........I can't wait I said..........I don't think I want to go I don't feel like going out I thought...........I'll be there I said.
I got off the phone knowing in my heart I wouldn't be going but The binge drinking butterfly part of me was going.....bring it on.
 So party day arrives and I know I'm not going and I need to let her know........I'll do it later......it's like I'm waiting for a real excuse to come along........I know, I'll tell her My Beautiful Princess is sick......no thats a lie I hate lies.........I'll tell the truth I cant afford it............no she'll say come anyway..............its only lunchtime I'll ring later.........3pm, I should ring..........4pm.......I'd better ring.........4.30, panic now I have to ring .......I know I'll text.........5pm, this is what time I am meant to be there so I text, so sorry I wont be able to make it I will call you a tomorrow, happy birthday. I hit send then run upstairs and jump in the shower to hide. 
Can you believe how crazy this sounds, how I have tortured myself all day about this, how utterly stupid it is. I'm such a nutter sometimes.
I actually feel some relief in the shower......its over.  
I come down feeling better then I hear the phone ring OMG its her I just know it. Hello she says........oh hi did you get my text I jibber.......No she says.........Oh I'm so sorry I wont be able to make it I jibber........Why not she says........so I burst into tears, can you believe that, with a woman I don't even know. I jibber on a bit then end the conversation. As soon as I get off the phone I fall into my Humiliation hole. I used fall in there a lot but I haven't been for a while. Out of nowhere Precious Angel boy appears and gives me a big hug,.........don't cry Mummy......see why he is so precious.
Let me tell you about The Humiliation Hole. This is a deep dark hole and its where my inner critic and his friends self loathing and despair hang out. Its a yucky place and I hate going there, I used to wallow about in there for whole days sometimes but I am getting much stronger with all this emotional fitness I am doing, I can give despair a good run for his money now, a couple of good slogs in his guts and he backs off. The other two are a bit harder, this is how I climbed out this time.....
I found the good in the situation
I am a binge drinking butterfly in social situations (another whole story) by not going I didn't break my resolve and remained in control.
I cried in front of someone( this is total humiliation for me because I am in control and never let anyone see my weaknesses)so what its ok to cry, I am finding me this is so great, for me to be comfortable with this is huge.
I didn't waste $30 as you know I really need every penny I have at the mo.
The Beautiful Princess doesn't like it when I go out at night so I didn't upset her.
I really don't want to be in a circle of drinkers again, I have hidden in these circles for years, there is something better out there, different circles and I'm going to find them.
If she judges me who cares, I don't need anymore judges in my life, and she might not, she might be ok with it.
Step by step I climbed out of The Humiliation Hole and returned to The Happiness Path and now I feel completely ok with the whole thing.


I can't believe I am sharing this with you I am so out of my comfort zone opening my doors and letting you see me warts an all. 


There is somebody out there who needs to hear me and I hope I reach you. We are going to be ok ...you and me.


We are loved always and it is our divine right to be happy........


Love and Sparkles
xx 

The Crazy Women

Heelloooo

You know yesterdays post well I actually posted it today....wanna know why.... those Angels again. I had actually written it in my journal yesterday but hadn't got round to sharing it with you. You know kind of like writing a letter and the relief you feel licking the envelope...yay..job done, then you carry it around in your handbag for days before posting it. Same same with my post. 
So somehow I found myself up in my bathroom with yet another huge glass of pity punch.....why me, this is not fair, blah blah blah...then there it was again that voice.......you haven't done that blog yet. So now its no longer getting dog-eared in the bottom of my handbag I have given it to you.

So enough pity punch let me tell you some good stuff....

I am sooooo loving "The Worlds Biggest Summit" Its the first thing I think about when I wake up, thank goodness its the school holidays and I don't need to sort the team out. This is how it goes....I open my eyes...look outside to connect with the day .....take a long look at the Beautiful Princess who has been sleeping in my bed cos its the holidays......sneak downstairs...... make a coffee...... grab magnificent Milly and my journal and head straight back to bed.......rearrange the pillows...... log in......and there it is the list of speakers for the day........I sip my coffee..... hit play........get transported to another world......get excited.......get inspired.......get sad.........get happy........get creative......it is just awesome. There are so many amazing people on such incredible journeys. I love people's stories they make me feel so warm I just want to invite them all over for a cuppa. 

Today I met Lucy Pearce from dreamingallowed.net and she talked about the crazy woman and how she is part of all of us Goddesses and when she comes for a visit we should honor her not be frightened of her. I really resonated with what she was saying and she had a gorgeous voice. 
Inside me there was a crazy woman just dying to get out so I decided to draw her. My Special Friend and My Precious Angel Boy (my 12 year old) came and lay on the bed, it was one of those ....This is it moments..... you know scrumptious time with my beautiful boys. Anyway they of course wanted to know what I was doing, we had a lovely chat about the crazy woman who comes to visit me from time to time. Apparently they know her well and wanted to add to my picture. I was surprised to learn that my eyes get bloodshot, I sprout hairs under my arms, my finger nails go pointy, veins appear on my arms and legs, my face goes red and lightening bolts come out of my hair and my dress rips, when the crazy woman comes to visit. 
It was incredibly helpful and liberating to actually acknowledge the crazy woman, to accept her and to talk to my boys about her and why she visits, a far cry from the perfect mother I normally consider myself to be. Thank you Lucy the crazy woman will now be honored in our house. 
Love and Sparkles
xx

Beautiful Angels

12th October
Heellooo I'm back.
I know its been over a week, I nearly gave up but I'm back and I'm not going to give up. I promise, I might be slow at times but I won't give up.
So it's been one of those 'no money days' today, down to the last $40 until next Wednesday another 5 days away. I still have to give My Special Friend ( thats what I call my big boy he's 15) $10 to go to town and I need petrol to go to the city and pick up Hotty ( he works away) I so hope I don't need anything else. I find it really hard to stay positive and trust with this money thing it feels so heavy and tries its hardest to pull me off track. I so know its part of my journey and it is giving me the chance to really grow but its bloody hard! 
I did an on-line Angel reading this morning, I do them often (they are free) and so spookily accurate and always just what I need to hear. I love the Angels and it's one thing I don't doubt the existence of. 
Just as I wrote that I heard a rustling sound I turned around to see...... a moth is crawling up the side of the box I have all my Angel feathers stored in. See what I mean. Another aside ...... when ever I see a feather I pick it up as I know an Angel is near and has dropped it for me. Anyway back to what I was saying...... because of this debt thingy and struggling to make ends meet I keep thinking I should get a job. I know I can hear you ......duh of course you should stupid. But listen about 6 months ago I told the dream machine I needed time and space to find, nurture and heal my self. And of course it coughed up. Here I am in a brand new place where I know nobody with all this time on my hands and Milly my magnificent Mac whom I just love and couldn't live without. I forgot to ask for money though.....you have to be so precise with these machines. So I've been reading and reading and journaling and doing art and I feel just great and I want to keep going and going and going. In my heart I know I'm doing the right thing, I need to be doing this. Gosh this is a long story sorry. So back to my Angel reading.....you have to be specific so I said "should I get a job" The answer of course was WAIT JUST BIDE YOUR TIME they also told me I have an important task involving communication. Try it its a lovely way to chat with your Angels check it out here. This made me feel better and I jumped back into my journey. I didn't really pay attention to the communication part just the wait part. A little later one of the team asked for money for something and I had to say no, this caused me to fall off the path again see its so easy for me to fall off. So I hid in my bathroom with tears streaming down my face and a huge glass of pity punch and yelled at the Universe ..... If I am meant to be doing this then you need to help me...... Then I heard a voice I don't normally  hear stuff but this was as clear as a bell, it was in my head but it was a different voice, I can't really explain but it said..."Nothing will change until you start writing" I sat there thinking for awhile then I put it altogether ....the communication stuff in the card reading and the writing message..... I need to get back to my blog there must be someone who needs to hear my story. So I hope I can reach you whoever you are and I hope it helps to know there is someone else out there just like you and we are going to be Ok I just know it in my heart. Even though we keep tripping and falling, we are on our way.
Love and sparkles
xx

The Arrival of the Goddess Chair.

29th September 2011
I'm so excited, what a wonderful day and I only decided yesterday to start my happiness journey.
Today my Hot husband ( yes he's hot, he's sometimes grumpy and often unappreciative but he's hot) anyway we decided to head off and see what treasures are to be found at 'bulk rubbish day'. Now let me tell you this is right outside of my comfort zone.....picking through other peoples trash..... the snob in me really struggles with this, but the old debt thingy and a desperate need for tyres for the teams pushys led me on yet another adventure. For the first few streets I hid behind my sunnies while old Hotty got extremely excited.
"Look at all this stuff, can you believe it " he yelled. OMG be quiet, I was thinking , people might see us. I shrank further down into my seat. Then I noticed we had a bit of competition, and guess what they were normal people.... you know like you and me. This is Ok actually its fun, I might look properly at the next good pile.
Then it happened........ we turned a corner and there she was.....The Goddess Chair..... sitting regally all by herself, I couldn't believe it. Let me divert.
I was sitting in my office the other day, planning to start being happy ( I have been planning this for awhile now) so I'm sitting there thinking........I'm going to need a more comfortable chair than this for meditating. On goes the dream machine ready to take my order, it must be high backed, low seated, pretty, comfortable and beautifully upholstered. 
Pow !@#!@# look what the dream machine delivered.

Isn't it perfect.....I just love it.......the perfect Goddess chair.
I actually had a load of fun with my Hotty after I climbed down from my high horse and I can't wait to go again. 
                             One Goddess's rubbish is another Goddess's treasure


I sat in my Goddess chair.....bliss...... and did the instant uplifting meditation from www.goddessguidebook.com this is a lovely little meditation and great if you are just a beginner like me. (oh and it works)
Well I better get to bed so I am one sleep closer to starting my Energy course and the start of The biggest Summit.
Love and Sparkles.
xx

Finding the Goddess in me, I know she's there somewhere.

28th September 2011
Oh my goodness here we go! I'm so excited!
Welcome to my blog, step 1 in
.........Turning on the Dream machine...........
Chug, chug, splurt, splurt here she goes, yahooo wer'e off.
So what' it about???????
 Me and my exciting adventure,
 I'm going to awaken that Goddess inside of me.
 Watch while all my dreams come true, I'm sure it will be a fabulous ride and hopefully it will inspire you to do the same, I'd love to walk the path to happiness and love with you.
So who am I ????????
I'm a Mum, a Wife, a Sister, a Daughter, a Friend and I want to be happy and I want to share it with you.
I'm normal with all the normal stuff going on, you know, debts, teenagers, low self esteem, poor body image (I'm fat), lack of confidence, just moved to a new town, (new country actually) don't know anyone and all that stuff.
Anyway thats all about to change, come with me, come on I need a friend to encourage and support me and I'd love to help you too, lets do it together.
So what's first ???????
I thought we could do it month by month. So for October I have signed up for the "Energy e-course offered by www.goddessinabottle.com 
I also found the the lovely Goddess Leonie and I have signed up for "The World's biggest Summit" and I'm going to Transform, Illuminate and Glow. The best bit is it's free, (loving that with the old debt thing going on) Check it out www.goddessguidebook.com 
Ok I have to rush now and feed the team.
See you soon
Love and sparkles
xx