Whoops I fell in a hole

Heellooo

Oh my goodness everything was going so well then I fell in a big hole of self pity and I have been wallowing in it for a week or so now..........it was a biggy .......I fully immersed myself in so much negativity I even got a really bad flu. Then today I woke and I was out of the hole and back on the happiness path, yay!!!!

So what was in my hole....well where do I begin.......

It started with Hottys Grandmother whom I adore, having a heart attack (shes ok now), I started thinking about how far away from home we are, how far from all the people we love. My mother-in -law who's mother it is rang to tell us and she was feeling nervous about driving down to where our lovely Nanny lives and I thought if only I was there I could go and pick her up and we could drive down together. I just wanted to be there, then I thought what if she dies, we can't afford to go home it would cost over $7000 in airfares. We would be the only ones not there out of her 11 grandchildren and 17 great grandchildren. They are such a warm close family and I feel truly blessed to be part of them.....to not be there would be devastating. That of course lead me to my own family and my father who is 86, I really feel like I have abandoned him. My Mum who is my everything and whom I miss so much.My sister, my nieces and nephew, all my amazing friends...........what am I doing here so far away from them all.

I feel like we've sold them all off for a big pay packet. I tried to tell Hotty how I was feeling but he is very black and white and said "well thats just the way it is until we get rid of this debt"......."we're not going home there's nothing there for us" ..........."don't even think about it the kids are so happy we're not moving them again"............."maybe you should get a job".........so there I was deep in my hole wallowing when a big bucket of sloppy guilt came down from the top and landed square on my head...........so I let the guilty feelings about not working and how I'm not contributing drip all over me while I wallowed, then the flu came so I lay down at the bottom of the hole in all the sludge and curled up and slept for two days.

When I woke my head was a little clearer and I could vaguely see a light at the top of the hole, I remembered a blog post from Ellie at The Headologist about gratitude being the rungs of the ladder that leads to the top of the hole. I tried to be grateful, I find it very hard when I'm in my hole but I started with small things like my headache being gone, the fact I was able to sleep for two days as I don't work,how comfortable my bed is, my lovely Mum is here for a month, its a sunny day and eventually I made it to the top and this morning woke up feeling nearly new. I remembered all the reasons we left home and how exciting it is to be on this adventure, the fact that the debts are reducing. I can't really explain it but its gone just gone all those feelings that were so strong at the beginning of the week have disappeared. I think its because I allowed myself to really go there and feel them and wallow in them. 

After a big wallow like that I find its very important to give myself some self love, so I really nurtured myself this morning caring for every inch of my body as I got ready for the day. I also fed myself in a kind way with healthy nurturing foods. This really helps me move on and my body responds so well to a little love.

Guess what though throughout the whole pity party not once did the guilt about the money return, I think I can truly say I have nailed that one.

Well there we have it another hole conquered,

you know what we ARE going to be ok you and me.

Love and sparkles

xx

P S I've started the "Goddess legs " project and it looks fabulous.

The Debt Thingy gets blasted!

Heelloo
What an amazing week!
I'm so sorry I didn't get back to you on Sunday but my "Goddess Feet" project just went wild.
I have created a whole "Goddess Happy Feet" journey for you......I just have to work out how to get it on here for you.
I am so proud of it ......it has 
 Scrummy Tootsie Treats
A negativity clearing crystal foot bath 
A divine Goddess tootsie ritual
A Goddess tootsie massage
An inspiring Tootsie song
A video on "the importance of grounding"
Some foot yoga
Some loving affirmations for your Goddess Tootsies
and some other cool stuff
and I have hand written and coloured it.
As soon as I work out how to get it to you ......its yours my lovely. I'm not techy at all unfortunately, it took me a week to work out how to put photos on.....he....he
What else............I have started my "Creating my Goddess Haven" course, have you?
Its amazing ........I just love it...... I was even brave enough to put a comment on the forum today.
I have created my altar............OMG how cool was that........Mine is pink of course and the sunlight from the window makes all the little sparkles in the cloth dance...it really makes me happy....and....
I think I have finally moved the last of the negative energy associated  with the "debt thingy"
My Altar prayer was for assistance in showing myself  more love, compassion, kindness and understanding. As I was pondering this love thing and trying to really get to the bottom of why I have trouble with this and why I keep putting on weight. I'm not quite sure how to explain how I do this but while I'm thinking about stuff .....little yucky bits sort of pop up....they sort of make you feel yucky.....I try to grab them and ask them why....its a bit like cleaning out the closet, its yucky while you are doing it but you feel great afterwards and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Anyway so I find a yucky bit and grab it and ask it why it makes me feel yucky........often its some situation from my past that I'm embarrassed about or don't feel good about ....maybe the way I reacted ....or what I said.......or the most common one ....what people will think........most of these "yuckys" are gift-wrapping for little  parcels of guilt. For some reason I use lots of sellotape when wrapping these parcels. If I'm in the right mood and have the time to just ponder I can unwrap them..........really look at the guilt and most of the time with love and compassion dissolve them.....and OMG what a feeling when they go....its just the best. Some are harder than others and some just aren't ready to be opened yet. Some are so silly and I'm not sure why I even wrapped them up in the first place.
Ok so back to my altar and pondering...........my pondering of self love lead me to deserving ......deserving..........led me to a yucky..... "the debt thingy" ....inside this particular parcel was the guilt  about spending all the money...........I was thinking it was naughty to do this and that I was bad for doing this and because I had wasted it all I didn't deserve anymore. Then suddenly the Angels presented me with a solvent...........I don't need to feel bad .......for a start it wasn't just me ..........it was me and Hotty together and it was OUR money we spent..........it was a wild adventure we had with it ...........we didn't squander it in casinos or on drugs and lavish parties............we sold our home and packed up our beautiful team and moved them to a Tropical Island paradise for 18 months. We had an amazing time, we created some beautiful memories, showed the team another side to life, met some incredible people, people who were so generous it made me cry and hopefully gave each member of the team the courage to do it or something else just as wild themselves one day. So what if we spent it all it was ours to do what we want with.........we worked for it ............it wasn't given to us...........it was ours. So what if we spent more than we had and now have credit card bills to pay.............thats doesn't make us bad people........we are paying them............again that was our choice............nobody has been or is being hurt by what we have done.........its not bad or naughty............just because it does't fit with the norm..........just because our families think we are crazy...............its still not naughty or bad.........I know that when I'm old and reflecting back on my life I will say ...........I'm so proud of what we did.........I'm so proud of what we gave the team..........I'm not naughty or bad..........I'm @#$$%%^& amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't know how empowering for me to tell this story ......I am crying while I'm typing.
I have this little visual of sitting around in Heaven chatting about life on earth............
"Well we worked hard all our lives and paid off our mortgage"
"Well we worked hard paid off half our mortgage then sold our house and blew it all on a wild crazy adventure"..................
You know you and me we are going to be just fine.
Love and sparkles
xxx

Beautiful Me

Heelloo

How are you my beautiful friend? I hope you are in a good space today? 

I am ........I'm sitting in bed looking out at a glorious day.......I've just finished listening to todays Worlds Biggest Summit telecast.........amazing.......only a couple more days and it will be over......I shall really miss it. 

Rachel McDonald from soulspacestudio really touched me today. I don't just have stones in my eyes I have rocks in them. What you ask ........Rachel told this beautiful story about a woman who only saw the bad in herself and every time she did a grain of dirt would enter her eye, this would keep happening until she eventually had stones in her eyes. The stones in her eyes came out when she started to see the beauty in herself. Rachel tells it so much more eloquently than me but you get the idea right.........

Only yesterday I was torturing myself about my weight and searching online for magic weight loss miracles. I had a crazy idea about finding one and following it and sharing it with you. Today that seems like such a silly idea. What I did find though was a book by Geneen Roth called "Lost and Found" In her blurb she describes how she discovers her relationship with money is exactly like her relationship with food, it really resonated with me as I do exactly what she described. Splurging and bingeing then dieting and budgeting only to keep repeating this cycle..........IT HAS TO STOP. 

As I said yesterday I really feel I have a handle on the "debt thingy" I don't feel fearful when I think about it.........I honestly have a calm peaceful place deep in my gut where the fear and angst used to be. I truly believe everything is as it should be and it will all be ok. I know this sounds strange but if I received  the money to pay my debts right now..... I would think twice about it. I need to be here ......its keeping me grounded and until I can do that on my own ........my debts are my anchor. I know weird isn't it only two weeks ago I was wishing money would appear to take away the scary feeling and now I'm saying I don't want it.

Soooo where am I going with this, its time to get a handle on "the Weight Thingy"..........I want to have that scrummy feeling I have about money about me and my body too......and I'm not going to find it anywhere on the internet ......... its inside me( Thanks Rachel) ....I just have to find it........but how?

Yesterday I sat in the Goddess Chair and tried to go right inside my belly ........the part that I despise the most to see what was hiding in there.........and I'm 99% sure its hurt and rejection. So what can I do about that........well I have started saying that Louise Hay affirmation I was telling you about......I say it morning and night looking ay myself in the mirror.........sometimes its easy and sometimes its hard.......just keep doing it ok.

What else........well I thought we could do a "Beautiful Me Thingy" where we do one part on our body each week .......we can praise it, thank it and nurture it. So check back in with me tomorrow where will start with our feet ok............think about it..........lovingly of course.

See you tomorrow.

You know what we are going to be ok you and me.

Love and Sparkles

xx

The Debt Thingy

Heellooo

Just wanted to pop in and give you a bit of an update on "The Debt Thingy". As you know I have really struggled with this and the predicament I find we are in.........but guess what its getting better.......not the debt thingy thats still there, but how it feels. I'm not exactly sure why as nothing has changed but I just feel so much more peaceful about the whole thing. This is huge for me as only 2 weeks ago I was in the "ugliest, woe is me, life is so unfair" hole about the problemo.......and now peace .......what has happened????

 No nobody came along and paid my bills and I didn't win the lottery.

This is all I have done..........

I had a credit card funeral, I stumbled upon this on You Tube ....have a look its so funny ......just search "credit card funeral"..... I have now chopped up all our cards and put them to rest.

I read " The Richest Man in Babylon" a beautiful friend gave it to me when we lived on our Tropical Island and at the time had no idea how important it would become. Its an old fable, its not long you should read it......there is a free e-book on bizbuilders.usa.com .......I don't know anything about this website only that it has a free downloadable copy of this fantastic book.

The principles in this book have given me the confidence to let go of the fear that I am not doing enough.  I have put the saving and debt reducing strategies into place in my budget and now know.......I am doing enough.

I have been treating money with a lot more respect........ I think I told you about the Fairy Godmother I met at The Worlds Biggest Summit ........she has a mini workshop thingy on her website that talks about your relationship with money .......so I had a little think about this and realised I was pretty mean to money and if we were in a relationship.......me and money that is.........I'm sure money would of ditched me by now........so now I have stopped telling money ....."it is not enough" .....I have started saying thank you every time I pay for something.......not out loud ......just in my head. I am gentle with money and my money card and put them away carefully in my wallet, I dont just shove them in with the screwed  up receipt like I used to. I fold the receipt and put it in my wallet. I realised every time I spent money I would torture myself about whether I needed whatever I had just purchased...... Ditched that stupid habit and replaced it with .....I am doing the best I can as per "The Richest Man in Babylon's" advice. It feels kind of like a permission slip...
I have also started picking up money I see on the ground and taking it home and putting it in a special little box with a note to the Universe on it. I read an interesting post on this and it just made so much sense.
Oh and of course I have been saying "The Prosperity Prayer" I told you about in my last post.


So yesterday I get a text saying my power bill is late and I need to do something about it immediately. Normally this would send me into panic mode......but I feel quite ok...weird right.........I can't pay it right now as I only have $14 left until next Wednesday.......even this doesn't phase me......remember last week when I was in floods of tears as I only had $40 for the rest of the week. So I decide to ring the power company and explain I will pay the amount owing on Wednesday ..........I have paid most of it, its only a smallish amount owing............so I go to my file stand where I keep all the bills and stuff.......still quite calm at this stage ..........I remember reading the note I have on the front on the stand that says" It is so easy"............I wrote this weeks ago, I can't even remember why an just popped it there out of the way.
I found the bill and headed to the phone......dialed the number.....and its one of those "push this number If you want this deals" .............we have this really old phone and the numbers don't work very well and I can't get through........I will just use my cell phone.............dam no credit.......I am starting to feel a little bit of frustration rising........what am I going to do..........then I remember there is another old phone lying around, I will swap them..........yay success........so I push the appropriate number while preparing the story in my head..........then I hear this option...."would you like an extension on your bill until 23rd Nov".......hell yes........so I push it.........."your extension is in place thank you, goodbye."  OMG I have never ever come across that before.....IT WAS SO EASY......just like my file says.


You know what ......we are going to be ok ...me and you.
Love and Sparkles
xx

My bathroom mirror

Heellooo
How are you today? I am managing to stay on the path....no humiliation holes or loosing faith loopholes so thats all good. I am still completely absorbed in The Worlds Biggest Summit ...fantastic speakers over the weekend. I had know idea there was such an array of organic healing and teaching methods...... and every single one of them has a story and started from a place not to different from where I am now...... and you my lovely.......and do you know what, the one thing that comes through from every single one of them is......that it is all going to be alright...... just as I keep telling you .......we are going to be ok me and you, we are going to get there too just you wait and see.
So today I wanted to share with you what I have on my bathroom mirror. I have an affirmation I say each morning, I like to do it in the bathroom so I can talk to myself ....you know in the mirror.....this is the third year I have been doing it......I haven't been perfect about it, infact when I first started I was very haphazard about it. Last year we were in a tiny little house on our tropical island, we only had one bathroom and there was lots of comings and goings so I didn't have it on the mirror, I wrote it on a card and kept it in my toiletries bag and said it as I got in the shower in the morning and I didn't always look in the mirror as I wasn't happy with what I saw but I did say it quite regularly.
This is the card that lived in my toiletries bag all of last year.

Isn't it interesting how I am now having to come to terms with our finances and really grow up and take responsibility for the problems. In the past some lovely family member has come to my rescue but this time I am determined to do it my self and really learn from it, make changes and kick it in the butt so it never ever comes back. The other interesting part is that I am now creating exactly the life I want, I have a fresh start and the tools to make a wonderful life and as you know I am on the Happiness Path.......(with you)

So whats on my mirror now.....well I have been blessed and have my very own bathroom...I don't have to share with anyone...only Hotty  when he's home, I have never had my own bathroom so this is pretty exciting for me......now I have my affirmation on the mirror......finally and I am actually saying it to myself, sometimes I'm even naked OMG don't tell anyone........It actually didn't take to long to feel comfortable with looking at me while saying it .......in fact now I actually feel some emotion.

 "The Prosperity Prayer" is my new mantra and its just perfect.

This is from Joe Vitales' blog, I have been saying it for a month now which is what he recommends. Tomorrow I will take it down and replace it with the beautiful "Deep in the centre of my being" Affirmation from Louise Hay.

Have you read her book "You Can Heal Your Life" Its my bible I take it every where. I have the beautiful coloured version and I just love it, the pictures are scrumptious.

I have chosen this because I really think I need to start loving or even liking myself ......even just accepting myself a bit more before I can move on.

Well lovely I better go feed the team.....Oh I forgot to tell you I signed up for the Goddess circle on goddessguidebook.com  I am doing the monthly payment thingy, I know we are not meant to start until November but the pay was there and wont be again for a month. Anyway its a bit daunting, there is so much available on the site, I haven't started anything(the e-courses I mean) and wont until November.......I'm just looking around and checking it all out .......go have a look and we can start together Nov 1st.

We are going to be OK you and me....

Love and Sparkles

xx

The Wolves are at the door

Heellooo,
I nearly didn't come by today because I have been so absorbed in the amaaaaazing owlandcrow website. I just love all the stories. I met Stephanie Anderson Ladd (this is her website) on The Worlds Biggest Summit telecast today where she introduced us to Goddess Persephone. If you enjoy stories you really need to check out this site out as I say I've been there for hours soaking up Goddess history.


Anyway the wolves...... I want to tell you what happened yesterday.
 So we have a bit of credit card debt ...I think I have mentioned it a few times.... it really gets to me sometimes...it sort of absorbs me and all the good work I am doing hides away and I fall right off the happiness path........but yesterday I had a big break through. 
I'll start with the wolves..........they are the people that want the payments and the last few days there have been wolves everywhere ......in the mail box.......on the phone........in my inbox.......in my bed at night (really big ones there). I can actually feel them nipping my ankles and no matter what I do I cant get rid of them. I was dreading Hotty coming home because I new we needed to talk about it and that always ends in tears. This coupled with the petrol thing meant I was preeety edgy. I tuned into The Worlds Biggest Summit and the last speaker was Danielle Nelson from lifeunconstrained.com and she did this cool really really simple exercise about dealing with your ooky stuff, it was so easy..........while I was doing the "thinking about the ooky thing" part .......I let my mind go to what was inside the fear....you know right inside it, its a kind a weird place to get to because when we get close  fear slams the door in our face so we cant get in......you have to push through that door ........ what was the worst thing the wolves could do................take away my kids .....nope.............take away my house......nope don't have one..........tell my Mum.......this one made me laugh, I couldn't believe that was hiding in there............tell everyone I know so I spend the rest of my life in humiliation hole............nope..............come to my door...........not likely and if they do I can show them I am doing the best I can do and I am, bugets are in place and  payments are being made, 
When I finished doing this exercise I felt so relieved, most of the stuff I was scared of wasn't even realistic, the pain in my shoulder went away instantly.......and the best bit, when Hotty got home we sat and talked it through..........I showed him the budgets........not one single grumpy word from him not one single tear from me.........we acted like grown-ups. It gets better we rang the bank and explained where we were at and what we were paying when and it was all good.............Thank you thank you so much Danielle I just want to kiss you. The best bit of the exercise is "30 second silly" go visit her and find out.
After the exercise I made this little reminder and put it on the wall where I will see it everyday.

Well I must away its payday and I'm off to feed the wolves.
We are going to be ok you and me.
Love and Sparkles
xx

On the wing of an Angel.

Heelloooo


Well I'm off to the city to pick up Hotty (yay) on the wing of an Angel. I have I think and hope just enough petrol to get there and back. 


The Team (my beautiful children) are all very excited that tis Daddy day today. They are aware of the petrol situation and being the darlings they are all offer to bike to school, but alas we awake to rain.....they are all still keen to bike..........the boys will be alright I think but I want to take my Beautiful Princess ......ok mum she says but I want to go real early cos our new teacher starts today.
Bye Mum, love you............bye boys love you too have a fantastic day. Bang, crash, slam heralds the return of My Special Friend.........Mum I have a flat tyre...........So we pile into Harriet ( our car) and head off for school, we arrive at the princess's school, we are so early that no-one is about. The Princess gets all cranky and won't go in so we head off in the other direction to the other school to drop of My Special friend, he is a tad peeved at being so early to school as it is incredibly uncool to be seen at school this early. Then we head all the way back to the princess's school where everyone is now arriving and skippity hop off she goes. Ok its all good I head home for a cuppa and to listen to The Worlds Biggest Summit (another yay)  before I hit the road. As I walk in the door I hear a noise......OMG what did I leave on........and there is My Precious Angel Boy standing in his undies trying to dry his dripping wet uniform with my hair dryer. Mummy I fell off my bike .............Oh my little darling I bundle him into a squishy Mummy hug, we abandon the hair dryer mission find some dry clothes jump into Harriet and head off yet again to school. 


So I am literally now off to the city on the wing of an Angel. I think I could possibly rustle $3 from the bottom of my handbag. I have never had to put $3 in my tank before.........I've always been the one that cruises to a stop in my big 4-wheel drive and hits fill, charges it to our account and heads off not giving it another thought. Not now.....now I roll in in my rusty old hatchback with a coathanger for an aerial, very carefully put in the amount I need, praying it doesn't  go a cent over  otherwise my card will decline. I saw a girl the other day putting $3 in and I just wanted to rush right up to her and say ....I'm with you sister ........and you and me we are going to be ok.


Love and Sparkles
xx